How To Get Rid of Your Unwanted Baggage

Piles of Suitcases by Erwan Hesry

Eight Ways To Get Rid Of Your Unwanted Baggage

Eight Ways To Get Rid Of Your Unwanted Baggage

Let's Look At The Word “Baggage”

Everyone has "unwanted baggage". The key to knowing you have unwanted baggage is the desire to get rid of it. Here we give you great ways to unload your baggage so you can have the life you always wanted.
The word "baggage" means different things to different people. To some people all it means is a set of luggage. To others, it means something that they have been dragging around for years. We don't want people to notice our baggage, but sometimes when we let our guard down, it is very visible. We keep trying to wish it away. We have tried ignoring it, yet it is still there. Let's look at an example of what it means when we carry our baggage with us.

The Trouble of Carrying Your “Baggage” Everyday

Here's an example that helps put the effort of carrying your baggage with you. Let's say for example that you own a large suitcase. You take the suitcase out of the closet and fill it with about 20 lbs of bricks. You close the suitcase and try to lift it. It is not easy, but with a little effort you pick it up and carry it around the room. You think, “This isn't so hard, I can carry this thing.” So the next morning when you leave for work you take the suitcase with you.You try to hide the suitcase at work but everyone seems to know that you have brought a suitcase to work with you. Some are to polite to say anything but others can't resist pointing it out. You are humiliated and just want to leave it somewhere but you can't. At the end of the day you just drag it back home with you. You stay upset because of the way you feel about taking it to work but you know will be taking with you again when you leave in the morning.
Now this is a very simplified version of what we carry around with us everyday. The awkwardness of the size of the suitcase represents the feelings you get when you think about people finding out about your baggage. The weight of the suitcase represents the emotional burden you carry with you. As you go through life, you add more and more weight to the suitcase. These are added because of more traumas you have experienced.

What We Fill Our Suitcase With

Let's look at what makes up emotional “baggage”. Most emotional baggage comes from some sort of trauma. Traumas can be anything that causes a "jolt" to your physical, emotional, or mental state of mind. Traumas are things that get stuck in our subconscious or our conscious minds that we can't move past. We cannot let go of how it made us feel.
Most traumas can be overcome if you can stay focused. It takes time, patience, and a lot of conscience effort, (mindfulness). I'm not an expert, but am someone who has suffered a lot of traumas in my life. (Read "The Silent Suicide" and "Through The Valley" on Amazon if you would like to know what kind of traumas.) I have had a lot of success in dropping a lot of my baggage along the way.

Take The First Step

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
How true these words have been in my life. I can't tell you how many times I have been overwhelmed by the baggage I carried. I felt as if it was too big to hide and too heavy to carry. I can't tell you the number of books I read, or the videos I watched by self-help gurus. Some helped, some didn't. The best thing I found to start helping me to change my life was belief. If you can still believe in something you have hope. Whether it is a higher power, or the power you believe you have in yourself, that is where you start.
Sounds too simple, right? Wrong. Belief is the number one thing that all famous people used to get famous. They believed in themselves. They believed they could do what they set out to do. To believe in yourself, or not to believe, that is what you have to decide.

Here are 8 easy to follow steps to let go of all your unwanted baggage.  These are just a few ways that you can start changing your life. Try each one of these things each day to help you start living the life you want now. This isn't something that will change overnight but if you don't give up, it will help you change. Get started today on your new future without the unwanted burdens you carry around.


Number One:



  1. Fear is the number one killer of motivation. If it can keep you from moving forward in your life, it has served its purpose.
  2. Fear can come in many forms. It is not always the scary kind you see in horror movies. It can be very subtle. Like not being able to ask for a raise because you think your boss will belittle you.
  3. Fear has a way of paralyzing you. Not always in the physical sense, but it makes you unable to make important decisions.
  4. Fear also has the ability to alter our health. Upset stomachs, headaches, memory loss are just a few of the side effects.



Letting Go Of Fear


First, the only way to not let fear affect our lives is to face it head on. Looking fear “in-the-eyes” is the way to not be afraid.  I know it can be scary at first. Try it on small things first. If you have a fear of being in an enclosed space, try standing in your closet with the door shut.

The second way to control your fear is breathing.  Be mindful, if your get into a situation and realize you are holding your breath, make sure to breathe normally.  Try to focus on your breathing and take slow breaths until your fear passes.

Third, remember that what you fear probably hasn’t taken place yet.  Don’t start fearing something that is in the future because it hasn’t happened yet.  Living in the moment can help keep that fear at bay.

Just remember, it will take practice before you are able to get past this. Don’t give up. You will be successful if you keep trying.


Number Two:



Shame can come in many forms. It could be based on a physical issue, a circumstance in our childhood that we had no control over, or something that happened at school. It could be something we don’t remember or cannot explain.

  1. Shame is a real condition. It can have the power to keep us down on ourselves. We feel people can sense it and will use it against us.
  2. Shame makes us hate ourselves. We don’t think people will like us because we feel they know everything about us.
  3. Shame comes from not being able to control what has happened to you. You felt like you should have been able to do something, anything to stop what was happening to you. But that is it’s power, to make you have self-doubt. If you could have done something about it, you would have done it.



Dissipating Shame


The best way to rid ourselves of shame is to share it. You take away its power when you stop trying to hide it. I know, the very thing you think you should do, (hide it), is the thing that is keeping it alive.

If you don’t have someone you trust in your life, write it down. It can’t hurt to put it on paper. Get out all the feelings you have about it. Make sure to keep your journal private until you feel comfortable enough to share it with someone.

Write a book about it. Make it into a story that happened to a fictional character and publish it under a pen name. There are other people that could learn from how you have handled it up to now and relate to what you went through.

See a professional. Well With Life offers NLP (Neuro–Linguistic Programming), which helps people to retrain their brain to release unwanted emotions and habits. We offer confidential sessions over the internet with homework sheets to download. Visit our booking page to set up your free consultation.


Number Three:



  1. There are a lot of things that bring on regret. Regret is usually caused by not taking action that we wish we could go back and redo. I could list a lot on this subject. The list is not endless, but let’s focus on just a few.
  2. Regret can come from things left unsaid, some things said in the heat of anger, or things not done.
  3. Regret can manifest into physical problems too if left alone for too long.
  4. Regret can stop us from taking action now, by keeping us focused on the past. We keep playing the same situation over and over in our heads.
  5. Regret does not come alone, it works hand-in-hand with guilt, (which we will be discussing later). People learn how to us this against us too. They use it to manipulate and motivate us to do what they want.



Getting Rid of Regret


The first way to rid ourselves of regret is to try and learn something from what happened. If you do that you can maybe keep yourself from making the same mistake again. Write down what happened so you can break it into sections. (a.) First, what were you responsible for in the situation. (b.) Next, what was beyond your control. Also write what emotions were controlling you at the time, (anger, fear, guilt). (c.) Then write what you could have done differently. How could you have changed the situation? This helps if you know what you did wrong. It also helps with the next step.

The second way is to forgive ourselves. The old saying that says, “Hindsight is always 20/20”, means that we can always look back and see our mistakes. But how can we change it now? We can’t. It is done. But we can forgive ourselves. We made a mistake, we learn from it, and don’t do it again.

Thirdly, If you can learn to forgive yourself, then maybe there might be a chance that the other people that were in the situation would forgive you too. I’m not saying to approach someone who is still angry about it. But if they have moved past it, you could send them an email letting them know how sorry you are about it, and what your role was in the situation, and ask them if they can forgive you. They may not respond, that’s OK, you are free to forgive yourself.

Lastly, if there was someone who you deserve an apology from and the regret stems from never getting one, then learn to let that go. You may still be in contact with that person, or they may have moved on, and you are still waiting. Just let yourself set it free from your mind and don’t worry about it anymore. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize life has passed you by because of regretting something in the past that you had no control of.


Number Four:



  1. Guilt has many avenues it can affect us. Eating away at us is the major one. Affecting our health, mental state, and hitting us hard emotionally.
  2. Guilt can come to us in many ways also. It comes from doing something we don’t feel is right. We don’t have strong enough emotions to stop us from doing it, we just punish ourselves with it later.
  3. Guilt is not usually alone, it works with Shame to help keep us tied up, and not doing the things we should be doing.
  4. Guilt can be hard to let go, especially if we have been carrying it around for a while. This is one that will take a lot of work to get rid of. But, don’t be discouraged, it can be done. Just don’t give up. Keep trying.



       Removing Guilt


First thing to do to get rid of guilt, is to own it. Admit that what you did was wrong and take the responsibility for what you have done. Or, if the guilt is coming from an outside person, then talk to someone about it. It may not be your fault it is happening to you.

If it is because you made a mistake, just remember, people make mistakes constantly, but it is not who they are. Mistakes do not define us as a person. We should not think that since we made a mistake, we are not a good person.

Stop playing the video in your head about what happened. Stop the tape from playing over and over. Destroy the tape. This might seem extreme but this is a way to get rid of the guilt. Stop re-living it.

Forgive yourself for the mistake. You probably are very good at forgiving others when they hurt or misuse you, but you forget that you need the same thing. Just forgive yourself and try not to make the same mistake again. Learn from your mistakes. Change the way you do things so you don’t put yourself in that position again. Be proactive in your own life.

If you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over then it might be time to see a professional to help break the cycle. We offer this service if you need help. We have very good programs that help you get rid of bad habits.  Call us today to get started.


Number Five:

Failed Relationships


  1. All of us have been in a toxic relationship at one time or another. Or, we were in a relationship that we were not mature enough to handle, and it fell apart. For one reason or another it ended abruptly.
  2. It is hard to come to terms when a relationship We want to blame the other person, the situation, ourselves. But there is always a reason for it, no matter what. We can’t help it, or change it, it just ended.
  3. A failed relationship is hard to accept, but it doesn’t mean our life has to be on hold. We do the same thing as with other situations, we play the whole thing over and over again in our head. We try to keep it alive for as long as we can.



Surviving Failed Relationships


The first way to get past a failed relationship is to realize that it is over for a reason. Whether it was bad timing, wrong person, long distance, financial, or something else. The best possible way to move on is to realize what went wrong and try not to make the same mistake again. Write down what you felt went wrong in the relationship so you can try not to do the same thing over and over again.

Second, forgiving is a good way to move on also. Forgive the person that you felt didn’t do their part, and forgive yourself for the mistakes you feel you made. It takes two people to have a relationship, so own your part in it. It is the only way to have a better relationship next time.

Third, be very aware that maybe this is a habit that is deeply ingrain into your life. If you find yourself living it in every relationship, then get help. We also provide relationship coaching at Well With Life. Set up an appointment for a free consultation to see if coaching is right for you.

Lastly, I am in no way minimizing how hard it is to move on, but it is the only way to have a healthy relationship in the future. You can be happy in a relationship; it just takes work to get there.


Number Six:



  1. We can lose our quality of life over this one. Worry is one of the major reasons people have health problems. It can cause high blood pressure, heart disease, just to name a few. This one really good reason to get rid of this.
  2. Just ask yourself, “Has anything good come out of me worrying about anything?” The answer will probably be, “No.” Worrying gives us a false sense of getting things done. It makes us feel like we are doing something about it, but really stops us from accomplishing anything.
  3. Worry causes stress. Stress has been proven to add weight to our bodies. It can keep us in a “diet,” for a lifetime, and not see any results. This is why we need to let go of this one for good.
  4. Worry can cause us to fall in with the wrong kind of people. Someone can use something you are worried about, to manipulate you into doing something you will regret.



Releasing Worry


One good way to get rid of worry is to stay in the present. Practice breathing exercises and Mindfulness, (we have a coaching class on the website that can help). Staying in the present can help reduce the time you spend worrying.

Worry can be overcome by focusing on all the things you can actually get done. Make a list of everything you do have control over and start working on that list. It will start replacing worry with a sense of accomplishment.

Try to stay focused on things you have done, and are getting done. Don’t keep going over things you have no control over to change. You constantly thinking about them will only take away from the things you can control.


Number Seven:

Negative Thoughts


  1. Negative thoughts are what we spend a lot of our day listening to. They like to play over and over in our head like a broken record. They are what keeps guilt, shame, regret, and anger working in our lives.
  2. We are sometimes bombarded with what we feel is our short-comings. Like what we feel is wrong with our self-image. We don’t like the way our hair looks, or the way we smile, or how we walk. These are things we feel we have no control over, so we listen to the negative thoughts.
  3. Negative thoughts also work on our internal insecurities. The way we think people perceive us. If we have to get up and talk to a room full of people, all we can think about is what they think about us. It shuts down our ability to think good thoughts about ourselves.



Removing Negative Thoughts


One way to release ourselves from negative thoughts are to focus on good thoughts. It sounds really simple but it is not. Start small, tape a positive mantra that you can say to yourself every day, on your bathroom mirror. Repeat it throughout the day until you believe it.

Read or listen to audio books that help change your negative thoughts to positive ones. Fill every hour if you can with nothing but positive affirmations about yourself, your family, and people that you work with.

Remove toxic relationships from your life. People who have nothing good to say about you, stay away from. They are only reinforcing negative thoughts in your life.


Number Eight:



  1. Anger is a big subject now. Anger causes us to say and do things we would not normally do. Anger causes us to hurt the people we love and alienate the ones we don’t need to.
  2. Anger also has a profound effect on our health. It causes some of the same issues as worry and stress.
  3. Anger also makes us lose control. Nothing good comes out of not being in control of ourselves. We should avoid situations that make us this angry.
  4. Anger shortens our lives and keeps us in turmoil. It robs us of relationships, friends, and loved ones.



Letting Go Of Anger


First thing is to find out the reason for your anger. Is it what you say you are mad about? Or, is it really something else altogether? Look deep inside you to search for the real reason you get mad.

Sometimes anger comes from feeling like you have no control in your life. You feel like someone is “victimizing” you. It may be that it is really going on, you are being victimized. Or, it is because something similar happened. You never got over the anger you felt now, or then, and you are applying it to a current situation.

Anger has a way of disguising itself as something else. Irritation, frustration, and moodiness are all different forms of anger. Look closely at these emotions to see where they are really coming from. Search the “why” you feel this way to discover the source. Then, try to find a way to talk about what you are feeling to a friend or loved one or a professional. They will give you a different perspective on how to take action to change it.

Anger is another one you must work on diligently to change. It may take a while but you will win in the long run. Start today and change your life.



Persistence Is The Key


These eight points are only the beginning to get rid of your emotional baggage. Are they the only ones that are correct? No. They are just to get you started, and motivated to change your life.

I can’t stress enough that these are not quick fixes. If these were quick fixes, you wouldn’t be having to change your life. So, do these often and don’t give up.

If you would like more help, please email us at and we can set a free consultation appointment to show you how we can help you. Congratulations on taking the first step to changing your life.